Look, can I be real for a second? Being a Ryan Murphy fan is... exhausting. It’s an abusive relationship. We are constantly oscillating between "This is a masterpiece" and "Why am I watching this trash?"
After Grotesquerie and the disaster that was Rules Fair last year (seriously, who approved that?), my trust issues were at an all-time high. I went into The Beauty with my arms crossed, ready to hate-watch. I was fully prepared for another style-over-substance, stunt-casting mess. I thought the magic of the early AHS days was dead and buried.
But you guys... I was wrong.
I sat down to watch the first three episodes, and I didn't just watch them—I inhaled them. I am actually, genuinely hooked.
The Vibe Check
This isn't just "camp for the sake of camp." It feels like the show actually has something to say. It’s about vanity, rage, and how terrifyingly desperate we are to be perfect. It balances that classic Murphy gloss with some actual, unsettling horror that made my skin crawl.
The Premise: Get Hot or Die Trying
Here’s the deal, and it is terrifyingly plausible: There’s a "drug" (which is basically a virus) run by Byron Forst—played by Ashton Kutcher, who is weirdly perfect for this shady CEO role. It’s the Fountain of Youth, but it’s an STD.
If you get the corporate version, you stop aging. We see this with Anthony Ramos (who plays Antonio the Assassin). The man is 65 years old in the show but looks incredible. But here’s the catch—and it’s a nasty one. If you get the virus the "natural" way (sexually transmitted), it’s a ticking time bomb.
You get two years of being the hottest version of yourself. Then? You literally burn from the inside out. You go into a blind, murderous rage and then spontaneously combust. That opening scene with Ruby on a rampage? I was gagged. It was brutal, it was loud, and it set the stakes immediately.
The Philosophy: Why This Hit Me Hard
What surprised me most wasn’t the gore—it was the dialogue. There is a philosophical battle happening here that actually made me tear up a little.
Team Surgery (Jordan): Rebecca Hall’s character, Jordan, talks about plastic surgery in a way that feels so real. She admits she was insecure, and "fixing" herself made her love her body. It’s the idea that beauty is pain, but that pain buys you peace of mind. I get that. I think we all get that desire to just... fix the thing that bothers us.
Team Kintsugi (Cooper): Then you have Evan Peters (my king, always) as Cooper. He talks about a date with grey teeth and brings up Kintsugi—the Japanese art of fixing broken pottery with gold to highlight the cracks.
"We love the cracks in the armor." I literally paused the show to sit with that. The idea that our breaks make us valuable? In an Instagram-filter world, that line hit different.
Character Deep Dive: The Heartbreak
Jeremy’s Arc: I need to talk about Jeremy because I am not okay. His storyline broke my heart. He’s the guy who thinks his looks are the only reason he’s unhappy. That scene where he’s crying in the basement? I felt that in my soul.
The tragedy is that when he gets the virus and becomes "beautiful," he isn't Jeremy anymore. He smiles in the mirror, but the person looking back is a stranger. He erased himself. It’s devastating.
Jordan’s Transformation: And Jordan... oh my god. She catches the virus after finally learning to love herself. The transformation scene—where she cocoons and emerges as a "butterfly"—was straight-up body horror art. But the look on her face? She was disappointed. She had done the work to love her flaws, and the virus stole that victory from her by making her "perfect." Cruel. Just cruel.
That Chaos Ending & The Future
The episode endings were a bit choppy (classic Murphy pacing issues, let’s be real), but the end of Episode 3? Pure chaos.
Cooper going full Jason Bourne in Venice? I didn’t know I needed Action Hero Evan Peters, but now I can’t live without him. The way he took that guy out was visceral.
And now, with Manny (Ben Platt) getting infected fluids in his eye? You just know Cooper is going to have to watch his friend turn into a monster. I am already pre-grieving.
The Verdict
The Good:
The Cast: Evan Peters is carrying, as usual. Anthony Ramos is scary-good. Rebecca Hall is a queen.
The Horror: It’s gross, it’s bloody, and it hurts. Exactly what I wanted.
The Message: It’s a satire written in blood. The "Beauty" hieroglyphic written in red? Chills.
The Bad:
Meghan Trainor: Look... I love a bop, but her cameo took me right out of the fantasy. It felt a little too stunt-casty.
The Pacing: Stop jumping between cities every 5 seconds, Ryan! Let us breathe!
My Rating: 8.5/10 🔥
It’s not perfect, but it’s original, and for the first time in a long time, I actually care about the characters. If you’ve been burnt by AHS lately, come back home. This one is worth the pain.
What did you guys think? Are we Team Kintsugi or Team Surgery? Let’s fight in the comments.
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